I once read some very sound advice: Dazzle Yourself!
I recall riding the bus in my college years and feeling overwhelmed with sadness that I didn’t have x,y, or z. I consider myself a fairly happy and upbeat person but his happened on multiple occasions. There must be something about riding in a nearly empty bus that is conducive to deep reflection and soberness. For me it came in the form of feeling unloved and like I was missing “the one” in life. I had good family support, but no “relationship”.
I remember telling myself then that just being in a relationship or finding “the one” wouldn’t keep me from ever feeling down. And it hasn’t. Growing up my Dad would have to remind my brother, YOU decide to be happy.
Today there are so many friends, family, and acquaintances that have trials and struggles. Some days can seem bleak. Even when I am at a good time in my life with little real struggles, some days are too stressful and other days can just be a drag. It’s life.
Ramona Zabriskie in ‘Wife For Life’ had an epiphany after an experiment where she didn’t remind anyone of her birthday. Not a soul remembered. Instead of lashing out or withdrawing into self-pity, though I know she wanted to, she decided that she had been, “… thinking for too long that it was my husband’s primary job in life to make me feel good …”
That goes for anyone whether it be spouse, parent, child, friend. No one is responsible for your happiness except you.
Let that sink in for a bit.
“My birthday is now advertised far and wide and way in advance,” says Ramona, “I am responsible to ask for and inspire special attention on January 27.” She goes on to say that as for the other 364 days of the year, it is your responsibility to make yourself happy, to keep your tank full, to dazzle your heart. And then whatever great that comes to you on top of that can, “overflow into a puddle at [your] feet.”
I love that!! It’s true.
Pondering on that years later, I became inspired to write and expand on that idea. It became a jumping off spot for here- this blog. The idea is that you have a short list of things that dazzle your heart. These are your greatest passions and you work on them. And then you have a long list of ordinary, everyday things that delight your heart. They don’t necessarily have to be ordinary, but something that takes minor effort, time, and money. And you delight yourself by doing them.
Dazzling yourself will bring you long-term joy, purpose, and accomplishment. It will be invigorating. It will put that spring in your step and that twinkle in your eye. The point of this exercise is not to become self absorbed or to close yourself off from others in pursuing your passions, but to give it place in your life. If done in balance, it can brighten those around you. When you are able to dazzle your heart you will have more happiness and more of yourself to give to others.
While Dazzling is long-term, you still have days in between that can be too regimented, or hard, and trials big and small abound. So, you need a pick-me-up. Something to boost your energy and endorphins. Something good; something delightful. Delighting yourself will place the responsibility of your day-to-day happiness back on you. It will help free you from stress, self-pity, downcast thoughts and give you more energy for those you love.
What if I had been more conscientious of my personal list of delights back when on that lonely bus?
I also believe that Delighting can be what you need when you are struggling through large trials that take place over long periods of time. It will help you through the day-in and day-out of it with small little things that bring cheer or momentary relief, and remind you of those things for which you can be grateful.
It’s what you must do when you are a stay at home mom with more than one or two small children at home!
So, because you talked to your best friend on the phone for 20 minutes and laughed together, you now have more patience with your kids at dinner and their loud shrieks don’t seem so bad. When you had a bad day at work and your coworker was extremely annoying, go for a short walk as a detour on the way to your car. Delighting can be done on the daily or just when you sense you need it.
So, whether you’re in a rut or need motivation, going through a dark valley, or are just having a crappy day, Dazzle and Delight Yourself! You can do it and it will be awesome.
Our (yours and mine) main objective here on this blog is two fold. First, we will explore ideas for your own personal Delighting list. The challenge though, is to try as many as you can to see if it brings a little Delight in your day. Like an Advent Calendar! Then make your personal list and visit it often.
Second will be to dive deeper into Dazzling and passions. Do you already have some that you are working on? Great! Do you need a little help or encouragement to figure out what should be on your short list? Great! Either way, exploration will still be invigorating and thought provoking. I can’t help but believe this will bring delightsome and dazzling days ahead.
So. Shall we?
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